Would you call yourself religious?
How long have we known each other?
Depends on how long it's taken you to get this far but I would wager we've known each other for a minute. Not a literal minute, a metaphorical minute, like the cool way rappers say it. You know, "I ain't seen my friends in a minute."
Anyway, would you call yourself religious? Because right now you're too weak to get a square of chocolate off the floor. Imagine that, well I suppose you don't have to imagine it because you're living it, being too weak to get chocolate off the floor. You need some Jesus, or related deity (Zeus maybe, he could probably help). How badly do you want this chocolate? Just how badly? Be honest? Are you hungry for this chocolate? Not just hungry in the conventional sense, but hungry in the way one may be hungry for power.
The radio would have you pray to be remembered. It would have you pray for your mother to remember you, but what use is that? She's going to forget you one day, no matter what god you ask or how nicely you ask them. But Jesus can help you reach that chocolate. I'm serious, you don't believe me but I've spoken to him. I have. I spoke to Jesus and he said he'll help you reach the chocolate. What's the catch? No catch. Just send a little pray his way and that chocolate is all yours.
 

I promise you, there is no catch. 

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Pray to Jesus and Jesus will give you chocolate.

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Make a choice.